Epiphanies
by La Vita a Colori
Summary: The gals of Azumanga Daioh doing what they do best while confusing the rest of us along the way. A lighthearted compilation of comedic moments from the perspective of the Azumanga Daioh cast. Please R&R! Thank you! ;D UPDATED!
1. Real Versus Fake

**Disclaimer: **If only I could own these girls. Then my life would be complete.

**Author's Note:** So, I promised myself I'd only do Death Note stories, but I've been watching Azumanga Daioh for four hours straight. I had to do something with all this pent up randomness. Go easy on me! I'm not the genius creator's of this wonderful show! ;D Please read and review as it helps a lot! This might remain a one-shot, but I think I'll make it an on-going thing like my Lamentations compilation.

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**Fake Versus Real**

Recently, Yomi had returned from her family trip to Hokkaido. She had lots of fun and took an open-air bath and even got to ride on a plane. She even brought back _souvenirs_ for all of her friends at school! She had also bought a little something for herself…

"Oh! Miss Yomi! What's that? A new bag?" Chiyo-chan piped up as she set her bag on the hook next to her desk and came to stand with Yomi.

Yomi smiled quirkily. "You're right, Chiyo-chan!. I bought it while I was Hokkaido, as a present for myself for not gaining any weight over the break."

Tomo walks by, muttering, "Yeah, right." under her breath, but Yomi continues to ignore her.

"Really? It looks quite expensive. You're very lucky, Miss Yomi."

Osaka wanders over sleepily and stares at the handbag very closely, so close she could almost get her hay fever on it. "Like it's been made outta animals or somethin'." She slurred out. At this, there was a slight bang from the other side of the room as Sakaki promptly dropped her notebooks and pencil case off her desk.

Kagura runs in and, tossing her bag onto her desk, exclaims, "I'm not late!" Upon noticing the multitude of people surrounding Yomi (and not Tomo), she heads over, only to recoil in mediocrity at the snub look on Yomi's face as Osaka and Chiyo praise her bag. Then Kagura herself actually takes a _look_ at the bag and releases and excited, "_Oooooooh!_"

Osaka and Kagura continued to poke and prod at it, both fascinated and scared at the texture.

"Feels funny!" Osaka mutters, eyes wide.

"It's snakeskin." Yomi proudly proclaimes.

"Gotta be dragon!" Kagura yells after flailing both hands above her head in victory.

Yomi quickly turns to her, barking, "SNAKESKIN!"

"Baked Shins?" Osaka questions.

"SNAKESKIN!"

"Caked Fins?"

"SNAKES—" Yomi gives up and face palms herself.

Everyone silently contemplates the handbag til Osaka mumurs, "It's all lumpy…" giggling.

Tomo takes this moment of strained silence to lean casually on her frenemy, Yomi, wrapping an arm around her shoulder before saying, "Oh no. Don't believe what this girl says. It's a fake for sure."

Chiyo-chan instantly sweatdrops and Yomi grits her teeth, hands clenching furiously.

"H…How do you know it's fake?" Chiyo asks timidly (even though she's genuinely interested).

At this, Tomo begins laughing maniacally, tossing her head back before leaning forward to ruffle Chiyo's hair a little, mussing it up in faux pride.

"_I_ am joining the ICPO, remember??? I can smell it from a mile away! That bag's as fake as Yukari's boobs!"

It just so happened that this was the time Yukari decided to enter the room, and was instantly alert, unlike her normal morning self (sleepy and grumpy). She runs in a tiff over to Tomo and grabs her by the collar as Tomo lets out an "WHOA!"

"**How do you know that???!**" Yukari all but screams, eyes a-blaze and breathing heavily in Tomo's face who begins to hold her nose and fan Yukari's hung-over breath out of her face.

She then trembles slightly at Yukari's rage and looks around sheepishly.

"Uh… Ummm…"

"WELL, Miss Takino?!!"

"Um… Psychic, I guess."

A moment of stilled silence passes before Yukari's eyes blank over and she releases Tomo, looking up to the sky in pondering. One, two, three seconds later and and _ding!_ goes off in her head. She then puts up a knowing finger before crossing her arms and looks back to Tomo.

"That makes sense."

Tomo stares at her in disbelief.

"It… It does?"

Yukari nods.

Chiyo suddenly realizes something and pulls at the side of Yukari's sleeve. "But Miss Yukari, why would you do such a thing?"

She cringes slightly at Chiyo's innocent cuteness before gaining her resolve back and answers, "Well, people do silly things in college! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

Tomo raises her hand. "I have a question!"

Yukari raises an eyebrow. "You do?"

"Yeah. So, why do people go to college?"

Yukari cannot help but look at Tomo in wonderment of how she got into such a good school before Osaka, thinking Yukari doesn't have an answer, raises her own hand and says, eyes wide, "Ah' know! Ya' go to college ta' get all tha' stupid out." She leans forward and nods in Yukari's direction, a victorious smile adoring her face.

Yukari takes one… two… three moments to process Osaka's train of thought before slamming one fist into her open palm and then gives Osaka the thumbs up.

"Oh! Yes! Oui! Si! Excellente muchcha! That's absolutely rightttt…."

As Yukari pats the top of Osaka's head, Yomi sweat drops and Chiyo has to shake herself from seeing Osaka as a doggy, wagging her tail at being praised.

Yukari continues with that train of thought.

"So… You girls have to make all of your mistakes in college so that by the time you're ready for the _real_ world, you won't have any stupidity left." She smiles happily and turns to walk off, singing, "Raspberry heaven…"

As the rest of the girls disperse at the ending of the conversation, Osaka stands there with that silly grin plastered to her face.

Tomo pokes her, but to no avail.

So, she grabs Chiyo and instructs her to use her super cuteness to reverse the spell on Osaka.

Chiyo approaches hesitantly and waves her hand in front of Osaka's face.

"Um… Miss Osaka? Are you okay?"

After a moment, face still frozen in the realm of knuckleheads, Osaka's voice can be heard saying quietly, "The… real… world…?"

Chiyo sweat drops and begins to contest the statement, but Osaka's features harden into something close to panic. She waves her hands in front of her face for a moment and then asks, "So, like, if we're gettin' ready for tha' real world, then what are we livin' in now??!"

Chiyo-chan's eyes widen and the two of them stare outside of the window spacily in mysterious self-speculation as Otou-san flies by on a balloon, murmurning, "Hellloooooo…."

The girls cross confused glances before Chiyo puts a finger to her mouth and contemplates, "Um… is it fake?"

"Ah…"

Tomo sits across the room, crossing her arms and saying under her breath, "Yep, it's fake alright. Detective Tomo Takino can smell it from a mile away." At this, Chiyo and Osaka snap their heads towards Tomo to stare in horror at her, waiting for some _good_ news to come before Tomo shrugs.

"Oh well!" she emits cheerfully before walking away from the baffled duo, who have once again begun their day confused and frightened as hell.

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**A/N:** I adore Osaka. Airheads of the world UNITE! R&R? 3


	2. Where Is It?

**Disclaimer:** Don't own. Just play.

**Author's Note:** Silliness part deux!

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**Where Is It?**

"Hey Yomi. Where's Tokyo?"

Yomi almost dropped her pencil at Tomo's latest inquiry.

"it's in Japan."

"Yeah, I know _that_. But where is it?"

Yomi continued to stare at her wayward friend, and, upon seeing she was not giving up, sighed and pulled out the map from their history books. She flipped through the pages and noticed offhandedly that Osaka had brought her seat over to their desks.

Once she had found the map of Japan, Yomi pointed a satisfied finger at the capital.

"_Here_, Tomo. This is an aerial view for you."

Tomo looked at the map for a second before swiping Yomi's glasses and putting them on.

"Hey! Give those ba—"

Yomi sweat dropped as Tomo shushed her and brought herself nose to nose with the map of Japan.

After a moment of strained silence, she muttered, "This is spaghetti. Spaghetti with meatballs."

Yomi retaliates, "THIS IS JAPAN!"

And Osaka, looking between the two and quickly catching on, says smiling, "This is _Sparta_!"

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**A/N:** I had a dream about this last night.


	3. No One!

**Disclaimer**: Playing with other people's toys is fun.

**A/N:** So, this is kind of whack, as if my humor. So, if you don't understand it, that's okay. :) Thank you for trying and any helpful or corny reviews are welcomed!

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**Chapter 3 – No One!**

Once again, the day had simply drawn on too long for Osaka to really handle. One moment, the oblivious girl was smiling up at a jibber-jabbering Yukari, when the next thing you know, she was face down on the floor.

As this was a common occurrence, the class continued per normal until the bell signifying lunch time rang. This seemed to do the trick, for as soon as the first _ding_ had let out, the peacefully sleeping girl had jerked up, letting out a "UWAH!" only to hit her head on the edge of her desk.

Now, seeing as this was the desk of a high school student, there was a lot of gum stuck to the desk. When her forehead had made sharp contact with it, the gum decided it would rather stick to Osaka's face than with its brethren.

The way that the gum was positioned in her hair caused the young girl's bangs to clump together and the more that she rubbed at the front of her face, the worse the tangle became.

It was a horrible sight, not to mention that the girl was still half-asleep.

Yomi had her head leaned on one hand as she watched the spectacle, slightly bored and slightly irritated. And then, Osaka became silent before letting out a terrible noise. And then…

"Ah'm blind!"

Yomi grimaced.

"Blind?" She questioned, before realizing that talking to the girl would just make it worse. For, as soon as she had let the word slip, Osaka turned herself in the direction of Yomi's voice and began inching towards her on her knees.

"Yeah… Didja see him? Didja see the guy who did it?! Ah need to know who made me go blind!" Osaka retorted, slight desperation and sleepiness lining her voice, and Yomi had to wonder if the girl was really awake or if she was still asleep.

"Yeah, I did." She responded.

Osaka's eyes widened behind sticky globs and she said, "Who, Yomi?!! Why am 'ah blind?!"

At this, Yomi sighed and got up to leave the girl to wallow in her misery, saying, "No one made you go blind, you idiot."

Footsteps began to fade away and Osaka whined a little before calling out to her friend. Upon receiving no response, she stood on shaky legs and began wandering around the classroom, screaming, "Where's no one?! 'Ah need ta show them a piece a mah mind."

Chiyo-chan just happened to be returning from buying bread and she had just stepped foot inside the classroom when she ran into someone running into her. She was able to not drop her bread, but as she looked down to apologize to the person now rolling on the ground, the sentiment died in her throat as she watched Osaka roll back and forth, gum plastered across her face.

"Miss Osaka! What happened to you?"

"Ah! Chiyo-chan! You gotta help me! Ah'm blind!"

She drew her eyebrows together. "blind?"

"Yeah! Blind!" Another roll back and forth.

"Well… who made you go blind?"

"No one!" Osaka screamed.

Tomo entered behind Chiyo and stopped upon seeing Osaka, but was smart enough to remain quiet as Chiyo once again asked, "Who?"

"No one! **No one**!" She continued to roll back and forth and Chiyo's eyes suddenly became very small as she heard a ringing of déjà vu pass over her at Osaka's ramblings.

Eyebrows twitching, she heard Tomo say, "What's she going on about now?"

"…No one made her go blind." She responded slowly.

A pause.

"What is she? An idiot or something?"

At that and the view of Osaka's inability to get up reminding her of a turtle, the déjà vu transcended into realization and quietly, Chiyo responded over the poor girl's crying, "No… Actually, I think it's the exact opposite."

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**A/N:** Ah, good job on making it through that... thing. Anyway, to clarify, this is an Azumanga Daioh rendition of a scene from the Odyssey when Odysseus pokes out Polyphemus the cyclops' eye and tells him that his name is "No one". So, when the other cyclops' ask who poked out Polyphemus' eye, he says "No one did it!"

-_-; I know, horrible, horrible humor. What can I say, I'm a Classicist, so this shit is funny to me. Anyway, thank you again! :)


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